When I felt D£ad

I didn’t think I’d be sharing this.

But here’s a screenshot straight from my journal.

That was me, a few days ago.

I felt weak. Spiritually. Emotionally. Even physically.
I couldn’t pray.
I couldn’t read my Bible.
I was just… there.

I tried to push through. Tried to do the right things. But everything felt off.

And I was so worried.

You know how they I always say, “Even when you’re weak, go to the place of prayer”?
Well, I did. But I couldn’t even form words.

I didnt understand what was happening.

This wasn’t a “I’m lazy” or “I dont have time” moment.
This was different.
This was heavy.

All I could whisper was:
“God, please help me.”

I opened my Bible…
Still didn’t feel the same.

The whole situation made me feel like I had failed God.
Like something had shut down inside me.
Like I was dead — spiritually.
And it spilled into every other area of my life.

But the thing that scared me the most?

Failing God.

I had asked for help and God’s hand was right there, stretched out — but I felt too numb, too weak, like I couldn’t even reach up to take it.

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I had a conversation with a friend

This simple conversation you are seeing here? It changed a lot

It wasn’t long or super deep. But it opened my eyes.
Because I realized I was seeking help from a place of shame:
“I shouldn’t be struggling.”
“I’ve failed God.”
“How can I be there for others when I feel like this?”

But God wasn’t asking me to figure all that out.
He just wanted me to say,
“God, help me. I’m on the floor.”

But I thought maybe He was disappointed in me. Maybe even angry.

Cause my communication with Him was scattered. My spirit felt numb.
And for some reason, I couldn’t reach out to my friends — I just couldn’t.

To my friends reading this, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier

But then God did something that shook me.

He saw I couldn’t hear Him…
So He sent someone to hand me a letter.

It said:
“I love you. You are doing well.” (not in this exact words but let me keep some things to myself yunno👀)

That person probably didn’t realize what she was doing — but it broke me open in the best way.

It was like God saying,
“I see you. I see how you’re feeling. And I’m not here to condemn you. I’m here to love you.”

I didn’t have to do anything fancy. I didn’t even have to move from where I was.

Just knowing He still loved me pulled me back up.

Even now, I’m still amazed by it.
God’s love is not performative. It’s not cold. It’s not distant.

It’s present.
It’s gentle.
It’s deliberate.

And this reminded me of a verse:

“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses...”
— Hebrews 4:15 (NKJV)

Read verse 16 if you can

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I wondered why God wanted me to share all this publicly.

But now I get it.

This is YOUR letter.

You — yes, you reading this —
Who feels like you’re failing.
Who feels helpless.
Who’s carrying a silent heaviness.
Who’s been too afraid or weak to reach out…

This is God saying:

“I see your heart.
I know you want to do better.
I know you’re struggling.
But nevertheless — I love you.
Deeply. Genuinely. Endlessly.”

This doesn’t mean it’s okay to stay down.
But it does mean you don’t have to carry shame while you get back up.

So if all you can say is:
“God, help me.”
That’s more than enough.

He’s not looking for perfect words — just your honest heart.

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📖 Verses to Keep You Going

Scriptures I want you to hold close when it feels like everything’s slipping:

• Romans 8:26 (TPT)
  "And in a similar way, the Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness. For example, at times we don’t even know how to pray, or know the best things to ask for. But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf..."

• Hebrews 4:15–16
  "...we draw near freely and boldly to the Throne of Grace, that you may obtain mercy and discover the grace you urgently need to strengthen you in your time of weakness."

• Psalm 34:18 (NKJV)
  "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit."

• Isaiah 41:10 (EASY)
  "Do not be afraid, because I am with you. Do not be sad, because I am your God. I will make you strong, and I will help you. My powerful right hand will keep you safe."

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  Have any questions?